Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
