I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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