Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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