I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
