Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Randomize
