It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
