I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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