So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
