I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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