is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
soo... how was my night?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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