We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
