Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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