i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
