I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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