i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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