You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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