I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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