Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I intend to get homeless drunk
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Randomize
