i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
