Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
