That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
