I need to stop coming to work sober
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
