all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
