his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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