I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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