I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
