Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She's the barista slut.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
