hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
