my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
