too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
