The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
