she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
