if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
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