dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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