I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
