On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
