with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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