Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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