So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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