none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
