also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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