I should be sponsored by Trojan
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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