He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
