remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
