Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
