She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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