your thong is hanging out like whoa
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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