The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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