She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
