Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Who died my cat blue again?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
