she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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